Santa's Rules:

• Santa looks like Santa. HOLIDAY APPAREL IS MANDATORY. A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. Get creative: be a Secret Santa, a Santasaurus, Candy-cane, a Reindeer, a Chanukah Chicken, a goddamn latke, Stewardess Santa, Knight Rider Santa, Crusty Peace Punk Santa, the occasional Legless Reindeer, Chanukah Squirrel, Emo-Elf, or the Santichrist.
  Just don't wear your fucking jeans.
• Santa acts like Santa. Be jolly. Belly-laugh. Let people sit on your lap. Give out gifts.
  Santa loves reindeer games, stripper poles and creatively concealed guzzle-ables.
• Santa doesn't seek media attention. "Ho-ho-ho" is good. "Publicity ho" is lame.
• Santa doesn't get arrested. Please remember the FOUR FUCKS:
1. Don't fuck with kids.
2. Don't fuck with cops.
3. Don't fuck with security.
4. Don't fuck with Santa.